My Family Doesn’t Seem to Care that I Got Divorced

Howdy all, I just wanted to write this out to maybe get a little perspective on my situation or, at the very least, vent my feelings in a somewhat constructive way. This is kinda long, sorry. TLDR at the end.

As the title says, I recently told my family about my divorce from my spouse. My marriage had a lot of ups-and-downs, and I’m relieved that I got out okay. I’m thinking about my family’s reaction though, and it’s been bugging me a lot. My family isn’t super-open emotionally or very close, but this reaction seems…weird.

Things have been hard and I had been very scared to tell my family about my divorce for many reasons, some of them practical and some of them personal. My spouse was unstable and could act erratically at times, which scared me. I was scared of what would happen if I told my parents and I was scared of how they would react. Finally, after much thought, I thought ‘what the hell, I’ve been divorced for a few months now, nothing they say can hurt me, and my ex can’t do anything to stop the divorce at this point/use my parents as leverage’.

So I sent my mom and dad an email – it explained that I was divorced, my feelings, that I didn’t hate my ex, that I hoped that they understood and that I didn’t really want to talk about it. They wrote back almost immediately, expressing their support, which was a nice surprise. But then…nothing. They did send some short emails and photos, but nothing related to my divorce or asking about me/how I'm doing. It’s like I didn’t tell them anything. It’s not like I expected to be babied, I am an adult, but it felt…I don’t know. It felt bad. It still feels bad. My family doesn’t usually call me, but I thought this might be something that…warranted a check-in, you know? Maybe they were trying not to probe, but that is their usual excuse for not calling me – ‘respecting my privacy’, they always say. Which I never really bought because they definitely didn’t respect it when I lived in their house.

In the reply email, they suggested I tell my brother. A week later, I called him, thinking that maybe an over-the-phone interaction would be easier? Less weird? My social skills aren’t great, so I thought I’d made some kind of mistake, emailing my parents.

I call my brother and tell him I have some news, ask him if he is free because it’s not positive news. He says he is, so I tell him ‘X and I aren’t together anymore.’ He is stunned. I am uncomfortable with the silence because I feel like I’ve definitely screwed up this time, so I kind of gently push the conversation along saying ‘yeah, well, anyway, let me know if you want to know more.’ And then resume normal conversation. He is totally fine after that, cracking jokes and stuff. About midway through, I ask him ‘so, do you have any questions about what I told you earlier? For me?’

He pauses for a while, then finally asks, ‘well, how are you doing?’

I say I’m fine, all things considered. There is more silence. And then I start normally chatting again, really feeling like an idiot. He does take the time to tell me how lucky I am that it was ‘cordial’ and all friendly, which makes me a little sick, because it wasn’t. I don’t bother to correct him because I just feel stupid for even telling him anything. What I did tell him and my parents was that I don’t hate my ex, which I don’t. We hang up. He doesn’t follow up either. No call, no text. Just silence from him and my parents.

Thanks for reading. I genuinely don’t know if I am being a baby or what, but this has been really sad for me. I know they probably need time to process, but…I dunno. It’s just been hard. This is new for them and not new for me, so that’s something I need to consider, but…damn, you know? I just wish they’d call to see if I’m OK. I haven’t been a bad kid. I’m more emotional than them and subsequently more high-maintenance and I don’t fit in with them, but…dang.

Tl;dr: My family hasn’t bothered to call/check in with me in a month since I told them that I was divorced. I feel sad about that.