Breaking News: Space Cows Finally Launch, but Lacking a Key Product
[Image: Space cow orbiting the earth, taken from NASA’s Spacetrack]
Four years after the initial plan to send cows to space was announced, the long-awaited space cows have finally lifted off into orbit. But as excited as we are about this groundbreaking achievement, it appears that the ultimate payoff – milk – might still be a few galaxy-miles away.
As you can imagine, our newsroom is abuzz with excitement about this innovative move, which promises to revolutionize the dairy industry forever. The space cow experiment, led by researchers from NASA and the University of Texas, aims to address concerns about the future of dairy production on a climate-changed Earth. After all, who can dispute the benefits of fresher, more sustainable, and extraterrestrially produced milk?
However, insiders confirm that the initial rollout – slated for Q4 this year – will still need some time to optimize before consumers can get their hooves on the coveted udderly delicious galactic elixir.
"In an effort to safeguard our high standards of taste and quality, we decided to push back the rollout schedule by a few mooncycles," said Dr. Susan P. Cow-tman, lead researcher. "But trust us, every gallon of space cow’s milk will be totally out of this world… I mean, totally moo-ving!"
Important Clarification: As for when the space cow’s milk will be available for international consumption, specifically English-speaking regions, we understand there may be a significant gap between the initial lunar production and global distribution.
For those eagerly awaiting their share of the cosmic calcium-fortified goodness, fret not! Our source claims that a dedicated supply chain and logistical infrastructure for Earth’s milk-hungry populations are already underway, and we can reasonably anticipate seeing space cow milk stocked in stores and in-transit to your neck of the woods within a mere year or two, maximum.
SEO Meta Description: "Breaking News: Space Cows Orbit, Milk Delayed but On Its Way! – Updates on the groundbreaking 4-year space cow mission to produce extraterrestrial dairy, with insights into logistical timelines and global rollout schedules."
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Remember when CIG first mooed about space cows back in 2020? Well, it's 2024, and they're still milking that idea. Let's ruminate on this for a moment:
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2020: CIG introduces the concept of "omni-grazers" (aka space cows). Backers get excited about potential gameplay. https://www.reddit.com/r/starcitizen_refunds/comments/g7qxto/good_news_citizens_space_cows_are_coming/
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2021-2023: Radio silence on the bovine front. Probably busy perfecting their "moo" physics.
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2024: Suddenly, space cows are the next big thing for Alpha 4.0!
It's almost poetic how they've managed to stretch this out. Four years to implement what's essentially a walking loot box with udders. At this rate, we'll have actual space travel before Star Citizen has a functioning dairy farm.
But hey, maybe I'm being too harsh. Perhaps these space cows are the key to unlocking server meshing. Or maybe they're the secret to finishing Squadron 42. Who knows? CIG works in mysterious ways.
What do you think? Are these long-awaited space cows going to revolutionize the game? Or are they just another example of CIG beating a dead horse (or cow, in this case)?
Bonus question: How many more years until we can actually milk these cash cows… I mean, space cows?
View info-news.info by AndrewTateIsMyKing
Wow, didn’t realize they were scamming the cows 4 years ago. I’m not part of the cult and this little factoid went into my memory hole as well. Damn. Good catch.