Two days ago I got fired from a job I LOVED. Like it genuinely feels like i won't be able to find a job I felt like that in until I'm out of college. The environment was amazing and my manager was so sweet and understanding, and I genuinely really enjoyed the work. I looked forward to coming in instead of dreading it, which I feel is pretty rare in the world of employment. I was fired because of my attendance, which I knew was a risk. I had been late a few times and my manager gave me a write up and told me my job WASN'T at risk and that I just couldn't be late again for two weeks, and I wasn't late since. Two days ago when I was clocking out she broke the news and I immediately started sobbing. I didn't even say anything the whole time I just stood there while she talked and she told me she loves me and she apologized and said she's putting me down as available for rehire so I can reapply in a few months. I feel embarrassed and betrayed because she literally told me my job wasn't at risk. I didn't even grab my tips before I walked out and sobbed in the parking lot for two hours on the phone with my best friend and then my mom.

Now I have no gas money (I know I have no money management, I was trying to work on it but that didn't really work out) and no money to go out or go do the things and trips I had planned in advance due to being able to because I had an income and could make those things happen. I feel restless and feel like I'm gonna lose my mind if I don't get out of the house but I have no options. I was going to go down south with my friend and go horseback riding through some trails with my friend – was REALLY looking forward to it – and now it can't happen. There were even concerts and festivals I had set aside time for and was looking forward to that I can't go to anymore. I know these are minor issues compared to adults who have to worry about their bills and rent/mortgage when they get fired but it feels consuming to me.

My brain thrives on traveling and constantly having something to do and now i have nothing and I feel like im suffocating in my house. I'm also in online school so I don't even have THAT as an opportunity for socializing and getting out. My dad is going down to where my friend and I were going to go for horseback riding for a camping trip with his friends and I feel almost angry at him because I wanted to get out there so bad. The climbing gym in my area is also temporarily closed due to my county being way too harsh on them and I just feel like I have NOTHING for my body to do. I don't know how to battle this until I get another job (or possibly get rehired if im lucky) and I feel like its only a matter of time until I start ripping my own hair out because I feel so restless and stuck. It's only been two days and I already feel like this. I know myself and I know how awful it gets when i feel trapped, I've just been trying to grind through school work to give myself something to do but it is NOT working. I just dont know how to occupy myself in ways that involve CONSTANT movement and stimulation, even a workout routine isn't enough.

I can't stop thinking about when I lived out west and how if I still lived there I'd be able to just walk outside and be in the mountains and be at peace but I don't have that anymore and it's making me angsty and miserable to be around, it always comes back to this when I feel trapped and it feels like there's nothing to fill that void.