BREAKING NEWS
DV Shelter Counselor Speaks Out: "Worst Case I’ve Ever Heard of" in Wisconsin – What Questions to Ask to Ensure Safety?
A local domestic violence (DV) shelter counselor in Wisconsin has shared a harrowing story about a victim who was subjected to the most egregious case of abuse she’s ever encountered in her decade-long career. The shelter counselor’s alarming account raises crucial questions about the importance of seeking legal protection for victims of domestic violence. As the country grapples with the ongoing pandemic and its devastating impact on families, this shocking testimony serves as a stark reminder of the need for heightened awareness and support for victims of domestic abuse.
The counselor, who wishes to remain anonymous, revealed that her friend was a 35-year-old mother who had been subjected to extreme physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her partner. The counselor described the case as the "worst she’s ever heard of," with the victim suffering from multiple broken bones, severe injuries, and psychological trauma.
The devastating details of the case are a stark reminder of the need for immediate action. As the victim’s shelter counselor, the counselor knew that it was essential to ensure her friend’s safety above all else. However, she emphasized that victims of domestic violence often find themselves in a state of fear, uncertainty, and confusion, making it difficult for them to know what steps to take to secure their safety.
To this end, the counselor and her friend worked closely with an attorney specializing in DV cases to create a plan to ensure her safety and protection. Here are the crucial questions they asked their attorney to make sure the victim was safe:
What legal measures can I take to protect myself from my abuser?
- What restraining orders can I obtain to prevent the abuser from contacting or approaching me?
- What are the consequences if I break the restraining order, and what penalties can the abuser face if they violate it?
- What legal recourse is available to me if the abuser continues to harass or stalk me despite the restraining order?
What support systems are available to me, and how can I access them?
- Are there any local DV hotlines or support groups I can reach out to for emotional support and guidance?
- What kind of resources are available to help me with housing, food, and other basic needs while I’m rebuilding my life?
- How can I connect with other survivors who have gone through similar experiences?
How can I keep my children safe and involved in the legal process?
- What arrangements can I make to ensure my children’s safety, such as seeking temporary custody or creating a safety plan?
- How can I involve my children in the legal process, such as seeking their testimony or opinions in court?
- What resources are available to support my children’s emotional and psychological well-being during this challenging time?
How can I stay safe and secure in my daily life?
- What security measures can I take in my home, such as installing security cameras or altering my daily routine?
- How can I stay in touch with friends and family without putting them in harm’s way?
- What kind of legal protection is available to me if the abuser attempts to breach the restraining order or engages in further violence?
What are the long-term implications of my experience, and how can I plan for my future?
- What kind of trauma counseling or therapy can help me heal from the abuse and rebuild my life?
- How can I plan for my financial future, including seeking financial support or applying for government assistance?
- What kind of resources are available to help me find a new home, job, or community while I’re rebuilding my life?
By asking these critical questions and seeking legal guidance from a qualified attorney, victims of domestic violence can take a crucial step towards reclaiming their safety and dignity. As the US-WI DV shelter counselor’s story highlights, it’s essential to prioritize victims’ well-being and offer them the support and resources they need to break free from the cycle of abuse.
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Some details are obscured/modified to protect the victims.
You know when you read in the news about a family annihilator who kills everyone and then kills himself? I was sure that’s what I’d be hearing about my friend, Susan. But she showed up at my door with her kids last week.
It’s bad. I’m not going into the details, but it’s bad. We went to a DV shelter, and the counselor said that in her over ten years working in DV advocacy, it was the worst case she had ever even heard of where the family made it out alive. We don’t live in some hick county with a couple thousand people in it; we’re in a metro area.
Susan, she’s walking around like she’s lost. She can only make a couple of decisions before she crumbles. She’s barely able to speak – she has a stutter -had it since she was a child- and every time she tries to talk she can’t get words out. I’m going with her to all her appointments just to read from a list of questions and comments she prepared, and do my best to calm her so she can talk, and translate when she can’t.
Susan’s husband has been harassing her, lighting up her phone, spamming her email, contacting mutual friends and trying to convince them (some successfully) to encourage her to come back to him. She pulled the kids out of school and she’s been getting calls from the school that he’s called them and abused the staff, believing they’re hiding the kids from him.
She 100% believes he’s going to kill her and the kids. The only reason she said she left is because he thinks it’ll happen faster if they stayed, that this way at least they’ll get a few weeks free of him. He was Special Forces and he would frequently tell her exactly what he did for the military, and what he would do to her and the kids if she ever left him saying, “he’s killed kids before, why does she think hers are any different.” These are his kids, too.
She’s terrified. The kids are terrified, but a little more resilient. They’ve started to talk about what’s happened to them. It’s horrifying.
We’re trying to do the steps the counselor recommended. There’s enough of a paper trail with police calls and hospital visits to get an RO for Susan, but not the kids – he rarely struck the kid enough for a hospital visit. She was told by the counselor she needs a lawyer to file an emergency custody order, and was highly recommended to use the same lawyer for her divorce and custody suit.
But how?? How do you go about finding a lawyer who can handle this? I know the term is “high-conflict divorce” but this isn’t rich people pissed about dividing the third vacation home, it’s literal life-and-death. How do we even begin to find someone, and then what questions do we ask to make sure it’s a good fit and we’re not throwing money we barely have down a hole? She doesn’t have any money. I can maybe give her enough for a retainer, but it’s going to go FAST. Her husband is going to keep her locked in and afraid for as long as possible. He has a huge well of social support and family to keep the divorce going for as long as possible, and Susan just has me. She WON’T compromise with her kids’ safety. She’s SURE he will kill them just to get back at her once he’s certain she’s not coming back. It’s the one thing that keeps her focused when she’s losing it some days.
Anyway, thanks.
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This is a really important question. I wish you had posted during peek hours when more people would’ve seen it.
As an aside, do you know if your state has a sex offender registry with a special designation for a “sexually violent predator” or something of that nature? It sounds like this creep has a personality disorder that would meet the criteria.
You may be able to call other local legal firms and ask if they can point you in the right direction of a firm who could handle this. I worked as paralegal in a firm that didn’t handle family cases or divorce like this, but we would still have people calling who needed help and didn’t really know where to go. We were truly happy to offer the names of other legal firms (that we also knew were reputable) who specialized in what the person was looking for. It could be a long-shot, but that could be somewhere to start. Local lawyers are going to have the inside-scoop on which firms could potentially handle something like this too so it could lead you guys where you need to go. I truly hope you are able to get the help you need. You are a rockstar of a friend too btw.
If you’re in WI, call the WI state Bar. It’s the association for lawyers. Explain the situation and what kind of specialty you are looking for. They can point you in the right direction.