I know that this is a long post, but I am desperate and would really appreciate any advice. I am in the second year of my PhD program (in the US). I would prefer to finish this year and earn my MA, but I am reaching the point that I may have to leave the program before this current term is even over – for several reasons.

First, this program is simply not a good fit for me. I feel that I was heavily misled when I applied to, visited, and made the decision to accept this offer. I came to this program under the belief that I could work with a few different faculty, that my research area/interests could be supported by the department, and because I was told they offered a variety of courses within my interest areas – all of which I had expressed explicit interest in when applying and meeting with the department…

Flash forward to now. I have tried to work with a few different faculty members on research projects. Unfortunately, those haven't gone anywhere. One faculty member has pretty much ghosted me (after I went unpaid for a few months while working for them). I have reached out to hand over my work, to go over everything together, and to move forward on the project to no avail – and I still have unpaid hours I need them to approve but I've just accepted I will never be paid for. Another faculty member agreed to take me on to work on a research project with them my first semester, but ended up having me do a bunch of unrelated busywork for them and kept promising to share their project files with me so I could begin working on the research project, but never did. Out of the handful of faculty I had spoken to and/or was told could support my main interest area, one faculty member left before I started. Another faculty member has been wonderful, but has a couple post-docs working for them and several upper-year students – so they don't have any projects I could be added to right now or in the near future. However, this faculty member is supportive and able to advise me on my own research projects. The other faculty members I met/spoke with, or that I was told were also doing work in this area, don't actually do research in this area anymore or only dabble in it occasionally.

As for the courses…I have been able to take one elective in my main interest area, but I was then informed that the list of 6-7 other courses I had expressed interest in (in my main interest area and a couple others, including some methods courses, taken from the list on their program website) would likely never be offered.

With all of this in mind, I no longer believe that this program or the department can actually support my research goals and interests. I'm not even sure why they offered me a spot here and I regret my decision to accept the offer every day.

I have also not had great experiences with some professors and faculty members in other capacities. I ended up creating all of the project/assignment handouts and grading rubrics for one course I was a TA for, and I regularly had to grade exams and quizzes without an answer key under this instructor. (I even ended up watching this instructor's sick child one day when we had a previously scheduled meeting.) As for when myself or other graduate students ask for clarification or help with our own courses, this usually doesn't go well.

To make matters worse, I moved to this program from several states away and had an extremely difficult time arranging health care when I arrived. Although I receive health insurance through my assistantship, it took almost the entire first year to get set up with a new doctor. I ended up having to ration my daily medication for most of this time. And now, my mother, who has already battled cancer and had one heart attack, has received some bad news about her health. This has all ended up taking a huge toll on me and my mental, emotional, and physical health have been rapidly deteriorating. I have lost so much weight so quickly that most of my clothes are falling off my body.

With all of that said, I did do really well in my courses during my first year in the program, and I have one faculty member who may be willing to support me if I decided to apply elsewhere in the future. However, I'm absolutely terrified that if I leave, I won't be able to get in anywhere else. I don't want to give up on pursuing my PhD or put myself in a position where I will never be able to, but I don't know that I have it in me to finish this year or even this term right now.