I (42F) work in a very male dominated industry. I have for 20 or so years and have faced my fair share of sexism and misogyny. A lot of it was traumatizing, but I admit, I grew a thick skin because of it. That said, I feel a need to protect the younger generation of female employees on my staff from these "old boys" that I grew up with. I can handle them, and stand toe to toe, but that doesn't mean the new generation of women should be forced to.

This week, I started a new project, and this senior construction manager, let's call him "Jay," calls me ready to start a fight. Dealing with these over-emotional guys is old news to me, so I ignored his aggression and rants to focus the conversation on productive matters to find solutions to what was making him angry. I'm so used to these types of men that it hardly bothers me to gentle parent them to find solutions anymore. That said, I did mention his behavior to my boss, and apparently Jay had also called my boss to argue which did result in the two of them fighting and my boss reported Jay's behavior to Jay's boss. In the end, I told my boss I was not going to engage with Jay again, and Jay had no business contacting me or anyone else on my team, and shpuld only communicate with his own client.

Next week, our work is scheduled to begin, and our field staff, "Amber" (20s F), is the person designated to be on site. I told her in no uncertain terms that if Jay was on site, scheduled to be on site, or even a rumor that he was going to be on site, that she was to call me so I could shut him down. I joked that while he may be an a$$hole with 20+ years experience, I was b!atch with 20+ years experience, and it was above her pay grade to deal with him, so call me immediately.

Later on, I was chatting with some female colleagues and relayed the story as above. They all disagreed with me. They said that women need to learn how to deal with these "old boys" and grow thicker skin. That I can do everything to try to protect them, but running into men like Jay was inevitable, and it's best the younger women start building that emotional fortitude as early as possible.

I'm conflicted now, because deep down, I know they're right. Male or female, you need to toughen your skin, but leaving poor Amber to deal with this man by herself like I was seems so wrong to me. I remember crying from anger and frustration when guys like him treated me so poorly, and now I just feel this desire to END that cycle. They argue that it won't end anyway, so we might as well get her used to it now. That seems so wrong to me. I won't do it.

I feel I should stand firm on protecting her, but AITA for that? Am I doing her a disservice by not allowing her to learn how to deal with these types of aggressive people on her own? That she will 100% eventually encounter in her career?