1DPO / My experience

I finally did it! I was so anxious and nervous about the procedure, but I'm so happy it's done now. And massive thanks to this community, you guys have been so supportive and nice to me. I'm actually not sure if I'd gone through with it if it wasn't for your advice, sharing of experiences and support.

I was super anxious (I struggle with BPD, anxiety and depression) beforehand, but reading others experiences made me feel less scared, less alone and more prepared. I'm going to share my experience for this reason as well, since we're all different and react in individual ways. Hopefully this post can help other people pre-op as you guys have helped me!
(Note: English is not my first language so bear with me)

Before surgery:
Thanks to your advice, I had prepared a lot of stuff in advance.
– Surgical bra (essential)
– Pre-cooked meals in tupperwares in my freezer (made sure the drawer in the freezer was easily accessible) to warm up in a microwave for dinners
– Pre-made sandwiches for breakfast/lunch
– Poured juices and smoothies (in case I'm not hungry) in cups
– All food in the fridge in easily accessible height
– Bought a lot of Paracetamol
– Bought two button down pajamas (my friend actually had to buy one extra for me today as I spilled juice on one of them right after surgery, lol)
– Cleaned my apartment and changed my bedsheets
– Showered and washed my body and hair the night before surgery

Surgery day:
As mentioned, I was super anxious and I didn't sleep a lot the day before surgery. I tried to go to bed early, but I just couldn't sleep. I had to fast from 24:00, and woke up at 05:00 to take 1g Paracetamol, as the doctor told me beforehand. I also showered one more time, even though I showered the night before, both body and hair. I met up at the hospital at 07:00. I got changed into a hospital sweater/thingy, and they measured my blood pressure. After a while, they changed rooms and I was placed onto a chair to wait for the surgeon and the anesthesia doctor to come see me. They asked me about meds I was taking, and the surgeon was drawing on my breasts, making sure I knew how much I wanted taken away. I don't necessarily have the biggest boobs, but proportionally to my height it's caused me a lot of back and especially neck pain.

I was the 2nd one in line, so I had to wait until 10:00 before they came and got me. I brought a book but I was too anxious to read it, so I just ended up scrolling on Reddit and reading news on my phone. I hadn't eaten since 19:00 the night before and not had a drink of water since 05:00 (they told me I could drink water up until 2 hours before I was scheduled to meet up at the hospital) and I hadn't slept a lot, so I felt like I was going to faint. As someone else said, the stress beforehand and the waiting is actually far worse than the procedure itself.

When I got called into the operation room, I panicked. This is my first surgery, and I'm also deathly afraid of needles. I just broke down in tears and begun hyperventilating, but the hospital staff was so understanding and nice to me. They held my hand and comforted me, talked to me about my job and talked me through what they were going to do. I was terrified that the anesthesia wouldn't work, but they reassured me that they did have a way of finding out if the anesthesia just made me 'sleep' but I'd still feel the pain (my biggest fear). They administrered some calming meds, and put on a mask on my face, and that's the last thing I remember before I woke up.

When I woke up after the procedure, I had a very strong reaction to the anesthesia. I was grinding my teeth and shaking uncontrollably. This, combined with the realization that the surgery was over, just made me spiral into another panic attack. Luckily, the doctors came to check up on me and administrered some medicine to help me stop shaking. I did feel a burning pain, which also heightened my anxiety, but they gave me some strong painkillers and combined with the anti-shaking medicine, I calmed down quite quickly. Not long after, my ex/good friend came to pick me up and also picked up my medications from the pharmacy (the nurses gave him a form which I filled out for him to pick them up on my behalf). I am currently on a painmed called Altermol, not too different from Paralgin Forte, and I'm administering them every 5h (I have an alarm on my phone to help me remember; the doctors said it's better to take them before the worst pain comes).

I went home in a cab, and because they also had administered some local anesthesia, I didn't feel a lot of pain. It was quite sore, but much less painful than I had imagined. So – big mistake – I started moving around quite a bit after a while. I had to pee a lot, made some more sandwiches (luckily, I've not been nauseous so I've been eating quite well), moved about some chairs and moved my computer around. When the local anesthesia wore off, the pain intensified. The Altermol does help take the edge off to the point where it's just sore, but later in the evening/night, the swelling began. The surgical bra is super tight because of the swelling, also it's much more swollen on the right side than on the left side. I think the swelling, and the fact that I overdid it earlier in the day with my activites, just made it more painful. I am on sleep medication usually, but even those meds didn't work. I think just the stress of everything made me very awake, even though I felt pretty drugged out by the Altermol. I fell asleep at 07:00, and woke up at 10:00. My ex/friend was with me the whole night, as I was able to go home from the hospital the same day since he was watching over me during the night in case anything should happen.

Post-op:
The pain wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be when I woke up, but I still took one Altermol since I'd put an alarm for it, and it was probably a good idea since I'm now experiencing some pain even on these painkillers. The pain isn't unbearable, but it is highly uncomfortable. Especially with the swelling and my super tight surgical bra. I've found a series to watch, and I'm just laying in bed, taking it easy and not overdoing it as I did yesterday. I'm bleeding some, but not a lot. I do feel very, very vulnerable, like my whole body is a raw nerve that's exposed. I'm also quite emotional, not necessarily sad or any specific feelings. I've cried a bit and I'm prone to crying much more, just cause the whole experience is very raw and intense. I do live alone, but I have wonderful friends that has offered to stop by to bring me any groceries or whatever I need. I'm still pretty swollen and also very bloated. I think the meds are also making my mouth super dry, so I always have a bottle of water and a glass of juice on my nightstand, easily accessible. I'll take my meds every 5 hour or so, even if the pain isn't crazy intense, just to be on the safe side. I do check my new boobs in the mirror every time I walk by, and I do feel a lot of joy that it's over (been thinking about this for YEARS), but I also think I'll feel more comfortable and happy about it once I'm not as stressed about them healing well. For now it is a wound that needs tending, but I find happiness in how much lighter I feel when the pain is at its worst.

These are just my thoughts and my experiences. I've been scheduled for a check up appointment at the hospital in a week, I might do another update then, and also before/after pics. I'm too scared to take off the surgical bra completely, even if it is to just look at my breasts, in fear that it will be too painful to but it back on as it's still quite swollen.

Anyway, I hope this can help someone, as so many of you have helped me go through with my procedure! Lots and lots of love to this community, I could not have done it without you, and if anyone have a need to reach out and ask me questions about their own journey, I'd be happy to reply.