WIBTA if I talked back to my boyfriend’s mom? Need advice.

So I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for almost three years now. He is an amazing person who is so patient, kind, and understanding, and I am so lucky to have him in my life. When we first started dating, he prefaced by saying he has a bit of a rough family dynamic, especially with his mom. We were both 18 when we got together and I met his mom not long after making things official. The introduction was standard until about thirty seconds in when she asked if I was on birth control. Obviously, I was taken aback because I haven’t had to talk to my parents about birth control since I was 16 years old, let alone someone else’s mother. I told her I have had my iud since I was 16 and it certainly wasn’t going anywhere. After the initial introduction, not much happened for a few months but to get into that, we need a little bit of set up.

Going forward, boyfriend’s name is Max and his mother is Karen (so original, I know).

Max was in an advanced program that allowed him to get the majority of his associates degree by the time he graduated high school. After graduation, he went down to a small college known for their fast-track programs and low tuition costs. He quickly realized that completing his associates online was the best thing to do so he moved back in with his mom. This is around the time we got together. Now, our family homes were 45 minutes away from each other and I lived in a slightly bigger town so he would often come and visit me. There were many times throughout that first summer together that we would go to his side of the area and spend our time outside, but when it was rainy or cold we would go to his mom’s place. Keep in mind, he was paying her rent at this time. After the third time of us coming to the house, she asked us both to come upstairs to talk. She sat us down and told us how uncomfortable it made her that we were “locked downstairs together all the time” and that she didn’t know “what we were doing or if we were being safe about it”. Needless to say, my jaw almost hit the floor. Now, I have traditional conservative parents, but never in a million years would they sit me and my ADULT boyfriend down and talk to us like we’re in a middle school sex ed class. I just stayed quiet and thankfully Max lost his shit on her for being inappropriate in 15 different ways. It became obvious to me at this point that she still feels the need to have intense control over max’s life, but only when she decides to care.

Fast forward to last year and it was time for Max to graduate from his program after months and years of unpaid clinicals and hard work. Karen had gone on her power trips on a pretty much monthly basis for the past year and a half but I continued to keep my mouth shut and be respectful. The night before we had to drive down for the ceremony, Karen lost her mind on us for the bottle of champagne we had been GIFTED. Now, I will say that she is a recovered alcoholic and she has every right to limit her exposure to her vices and Max and I go out of our way to make sure she does not know when alcohol is around. Now, you may be wondering why we didn’t do that with the champagne… we did. She searched his room and found it. The room he pays to be in. The room his MOTHER HAS CHARGED HIM $500 A MONTH TO LIVE IN FOR NEARLY TWO YEARS. Her finding the bottle led to another power trip, where she again directly disrespected me and our relationship. This fight led to him initially uninviting her from the ceremony, but I convinced him that he would want her there, especially because his dad was unable to make it due to an emergency. The ceremony ends, Max starts working in a hospital in the town I live in, and unbeknownst to me, she begins increasing his rent by $100 a month. In January he paid 600, February 700, until April when I got home from college and Karen’s girlfriend moved in with them.

Max had come over for the weekend and when he got home, his mom handed him a note and left. The note detailed how she needed him to move out by Mother’s Day, and how she “loves him so much but living together has made their relationship tense”. Completely fair, if he wasn’t paying rent and if it wasn’t 2024 in a rapidly growing picturesque town where the cheapest rent is $1,500 for a building that will catch on fire six months into your lease. She left him with absolutely nowhere to go and so my parents offered to let him live with us until he could find a place.

The summer started great and Max decided to go visit her on her Birthday. While he was there, he called me sobbing because his mother told him this (paraphrased but you get the point): “I know it was tough having to leave but I just need some time apart from you to decide whether or not I want you in my life… You know you don’t have to stay with OP just because she’s giving you a place to stay, I know she’s a lot to handle”. He ended up leaving soon after and was completely shut down for three days afterwards.

I don’t even care about what this monster says to me/about me anymore but she is the most vile, disgusting, pigheaded bitch I’ve ever met who somehow created three of the most hardworking, intelligent, empathetic human beings on the face of the earth. Her children are all doing amazing things and she didn’t do shit to help them but continues to tear them apart every chance she gets. This woman is a BEHAVIORAL PSYCHOLOGIST WITH THE SCHOOL SYSTEM. She somehow has a masters degree in psych and yet is so dense she doesn’t see that she is the focus of the case studies she spent six years learning about. She works with children with disabilities each day and yet can’t show an ounce of kindness to any one of her kids.

I haven’t seen her in person since the graduation fiasco but I am not going anywhere. Max and I are staying together, we know how to communicate with each other perfectly, we were solid while living together for four months, and unless one of us suddenly becomes a horrible person, I’ll be with him for the rest of my life. But I cannot hold my tongue anymore and if this babadook looking fuck says one more thing about her son or any of her children I will rip into her without meaning to. She is not deserving of my respect but she is still Max’s mom and I really don’t want to cause an issue between us when that has yet to happen. Idk I guess I’m more asking for ways to go about this? Do I just continue to hold my tongue until I just snap one day and end up on the news? Do I say something controlled? Do I just continue to avoid her for as long as possible? She’s not my confirmed future MIL yet, but if things continue as they are she will be in a couple of years.

I know this was a bit messy but it’s such a large amount of time to cover, so comment if you want additional info/ any answers to questions.