Fantasizing about quitting my job

I really dislike my job, dislike being a mild word because something stronger can't be used on this sub. I am looking for other jobs, but in the meantime, I daydream about quitting and it's probably the best part of my day.

I imagine calling my manager up (because sales can't go to office! They have to be in the market all day! No, for real, I've gotten yelled at thrice for being in the office for meetings/reviews) and breaking the news to him. Do I take the funny route? "Hey J, good news for you! I'm quitting!" The serious route, "Hi J, I needed to discuss something with you. Remember how I've told you multiple times I want to quit? Yes, I think I've reached my limit, I really can't take it any more, so I'm resigning and I won't take no for an answer any more. I've tried my best and nothing's changed except I've put double the hours I used to put into this job, and I'm not really sure how that's even possible, considering I work from 8AM to 1AM." Do I sound vaguely threatening? "Heyyyy so did you hear about that EY case where a woman died from work pressure? You don't want a ourcompany case, do you?"

I won't tell anyone at work. Mmm the satisfaction will hit when I tell them on the last day. "Hey, not sure if you've heard, but today is my last day." Several people do that here. Announce their departure reall quickly, really late, change their identities and never contact us again.

My counterpart in a different channel won't be surprised because I'm sure my manager will tell him. Ask him to do my work as well because I've resigned, I might be more relaxed at work during my notice period, we can't let that happen, they might need someone to manage the show while they try to find a replacement.

My KAMs might know because my manager will tell their manager. P will be glad, she never liked me anyway. She thinks I'm ruining her account. PL will be mildly surprised like, "Oh I knew you hated this job, but I didn't think you would leave for real." N will be furious. She's been hammering it into my head that this role really is a stepping stone for future, greater opportunities. I know that, N and I love you for being a big sister to me. But I would like to be alive to see those big opportunities come to me, ya know?

My team. God, I don't know how to break it to them. It's not like we love each other. Sometimes I dislike my team. Again, mild word. Sometimes I remember they're not the smartest bunch, so I can't expect much from them anyway, so I shouldn't get so frustrated with them. But I really am too impatient with them and with this job. I pull out hair when I tell them something like, "Water is a liquid" and there will be 2-3 of them who didn't pay attention to the call and immediately ask, "Ma'am, so there's this question I have, and a lot of customers ask me this: is water a liquid?" And I nearly screech, "What did I JUST tell you, not even 5 seconds ago?! WATER IS A LIQUID!!!" And even then 2-3 other people will still ask the same question because they were again not paying attention.

I babysit adults for a living. They don't understand what babysitting means (English is not our first language) so even though I've told them I feel like I'm babysitting them, they don't know what I'm talking about.

I will not miss them. Actually I don't know why I was so worried before this paragraph about telling them it's my last visit. I would be glad to leave this team.

Best thing would be to watch my manager try to manage this dysfunctional team. He thinks I work hard, not smart, and that's why I can't manage this shitshow. I explain to him that with this team, you HAVE to work hard. If you don't pay attention to ONE team member, they WILL spiral out of control and it will be too late to bring things back into control. You know how you can build up someone and see them handling things on their own and you go, "Ok, now I can relax. This will work on autopilot"? Well you can't with this team. They need supervision at all times. I tell them they can't take a day off this week and I will still find 5-6 people taking days off and saying shit like, "I didn't have clean clothes to wear." My manager's answer to these things aka his method of "smart working"? Telling the defaulters that they're getting fired for disciplinary issues. I have PIPed, sent warning letters, cut salaries, and fired so many people, I feel like I will go to Hell because I've earned terrible juju. And this is still not enough, according to management. Well, good luck firing the entire team then! Let me know how attrition of a low-paid team which hasn't gotten increments in 3 years works out for employee morale and sales!

My team leaders. Don't give a shit about them either. One guy never gave a shit about the job. Will not give a shit about me leaving. He will be happy if I leave too because then there won't be someone calling him and asking him to update on stuff. The other guy will feel like I hired him, trapped him in this shitty company, and now I found an escape for myself, leaving him here.

I'll change my phone number so that accounts will never be able to find me.

My skip level is going to be happy I found another job because he knows I'm mentally drained. He wants to leave the place himself.

His manager, though? I hope I never meet her again after I break the news. I know she'll curse me because I was her big bet who couldn't handle the stress and now I'm quitting like the weakling I am.

Oh I want to personally tell one of the senior leadership members I'm quitting, though. He is one of the reasons I want to quit. I know he will tell everyone I snapped under the stress, I wasn't good enough for the role if the stress got to me. He said that about his own team member who had been in the company for 10 years, but quit in the 10th year because that's when he started working in this senior leadership member's team and the stress and poor wlb was insane. Of COURSE he's going to trash talk me who has been in the system for less than a year and who told him the stress was too much. So I WANT to tell him. Remind him how bad the stress is that I quit. Yes, go tell everyone how I'm not a good team player. I've told everyone by now about how insane you are. And everyone knows about your crazy workaholic nature anyway.

Ok, I've been daydreaming long enough, hehe.